My struggles with cancer (as a caregiver) were something I was woefully unprepared for. My wife’s diagnosis of colon cancer came as a shock to both of us. What to do? Where to turn? My main resource for information was the internet and Web MD. After the chemo and radiation began, the medical staff I dealt with were compassionate, but often just too busy to give either myself or my wife much of their time.
Lost, afraid, confused; these were just a few of the emotions I experienced. The only person I had to rely on was me, and I had to be strong for both of us. In addition, both our mothers were in failing health at the time, I guess ‘overwhelmed’ would be a good descriptor of the situation. If only Cancer Support Community had existed here in Flagstaff at that time, it would have made things so much easier. My main piece of advice coming out of all this is: “Don’t Go It Alone.” There are so many resources that I am now aware of, that would have facilitated the journey. I am just grateful to know that CSCAZ has stepped in to fill the void as far as education, training, referrals and networking.
“Always believe you will make it through.”
Our cancer journey was filled with so many wonderful people including family, friends and also strangers who we met along the way. They provided rides to/from chemo and radiation treatments, brought food, took Destiney ‘to hang out’, called or came over to visit and even came together as part of what they called #TeamCoral. I will be forever grateful to all who ‘rallied’ around us.
Whether you are the one going through cancer, or like Destiney, the wind beneath the wings of someone facing cancer, I want to encourage you to always believe that you will make it through. And if for some reason you are struggling, tell those around you who will then help you get back your faith. It’s hard but you can do this.
“Talk, share, don’t be afraid to yell, scream, ask why me, tell your story, if need be cry.”
Every time something happens with the person with cancer, immediately the mind goes all of the – what ifs… “It” is now part of your life but don’t let it run or ruin it! (Easier said than done – but those words are true.)
When our journey with my husband’s cancer began I immediately turned to my faith. I knew and now know even more strongly what prayer means and how the prayers of others are of such support. I’ve learned to appreciate someone asking how we are doing. (Though at times people don’t know what to say or ask – and that is ok.)
Our family has been of such a great support. They have surrounded us with so much love and care. We have always been a close family, but this just seemed to bring us even closer. At first it was like, we are the parents; they don’t need this on their shoulders. HOW WRONG could I have been? Family and friends can be so important, and we often leave them out thinking we are helping or protecting them. They need to know what is going on and be allowed in to share.
When this began, through Rich’s oncology doctor, we were able to find a psychologist, who was of a great help to both of us. At times she met with both me and Rich. She helped us see, especially me, that I too was feeling alone and scared, though I didn’t even recognize it or perhaps wanted to admit it. After all, I’m the strong one and I had to be that way for Rich and the family. Meeting with her helped me to recognize that it was and is alright to feel that way – no matter which side of cancer you are on.
One true thing or piece of advice is OPEN COMMUNICATION! This is definitely for both the person with cancer and those who love that person. Talk, share, don’t be afraid to yell, scream, ask why me, tell your story, if need be cry.
If you’re the caregiver – ask anyone any and all questions; seek to understand; go to Dr. Visits and ask questions there too; don’t be left out or feel that way. You are part of the journey too. Don’t forget you have and will have needs to – even different from before your world changed, and it will change. I would encourage the one with cancer to do the same. For some, knowledge is a dangerous thing. However, you may have the personality that the more you know the safer you feel and better you can handle things. Don’t be afraid to be you or admit to who you are.
“The odds are meaningless; learn everything you can and keep fighting!”
My story is unique because it is not about me, it’s about my son Andy. Andy was diagnosed with a stage 4 Glioblastoma at age 33 while he was running marathons, preparing for law school and overall, living life to the fullest. Two things gave me the strength to walk this journey with him. First, my faith and the prayers of many, many friends, priests and family. Second, Andy’s family has not left his side.
He was married 6 months after the diagnosis to Mary, who has stood by his side and cared for him in good times and challenging ones. They now have 14 month old twins! Entire families on both sides support them all, along with friends from across the country. I did not have the strength to be there for Andy on my own. I gained strength and faith from the support and prayers of a large family network and devoted friends.
I would offer two pieces of advice. First, surround yourself with the support of family and friends. Do not hesitate to soak in their love, support and gifts of any kind. If you don’t have that support readily available, reach out to organizations like the Cancer Support Community in Flagstaff and create your own support group. It will bring needed laughter, love and support to your days. Second, learn everything you can and never lose hope. Andy is now three years post diagnosis, which the odds were against. He has combined integrative medicine with traditional medicine in his care. We have broadened the care team to include many from multiple disciplines. The odds are meaningless; learn everything you can and keep fighting!
“I would have denied my friends, family, and even strangers the blessing of helping me. No one needs to go through this journey alone.”
No one is ever prepared for “that” diagnosis. What me??! It was a challenging five year journey navigating Hodgkin’s Lymphoma treatments, side effects, and balancing natural holistic and traditional healing methods. I had to find my voice when others had strong opinions on what treatment protocols I “should” follow. Despite the roller coaster of emotions, there were many unexpected blessings that gave me the strength and faith to persevere. I trusted there was a greater purpose for this experience. Now I help others navigate their health as part of my health coaching role at Northern Arizona Healthcare.
One of the most important lessons I learned is to let the love and support in. I only shared my diagnosis and treatment decisions with a few people. When it became too much for me to handle on my own, I finally reached out. Local organizations such as Further Shore helped with food deliveries and the Shadow Foundation provided some financial support. Even my ex-husband started a Go Fund Campaign. I would have denied my friends, family, and even strangers the blessing of helping me. No one needs to go through this journey alone. Loved ones can feel so helpless so being specific on what you need helps them serve you and fulfills their need to be of service.
“I Can. I Will. End of Story.”
Soon after I was diagnosed, I bought a sign that said: “I Can. I Will. End of Story.” I hung it across from my bed. It was the first thing I saw in the morning and the last thing I saw at night. It became my mantra. When I had moments when I thought that I couldn’t do it, I would repeat it to myself.
Elysse
“We are all here for you.”
Almost 20 years ago, a biopsy confirmed that I had breast cancer. What followed was a year of surgery, chemo and radiation. A village of supportive family and friends helped me through and kept my spirits up. You are not in this alone. Reach out and receive the love, help, and support of your community. Trust in yourself and in your medical team. We are all here for you.
Patrice
“Cancer empowered me to appreciate my world.”
Cancer didn’t define my life. Cancer empowered me to appreciate my world. To love more deeply, smile more often, and breath life into every moment of everyday. Today is is first day of the rest of my life. Shout from the top of the world! I AM A SURVIVOR!
